He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
