We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My life is pants optional.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
