You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
