The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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