I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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