my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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