Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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