Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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