Where did you get a picture of my penis
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
