White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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