so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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