she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
