i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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