My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
