3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do vagina's smell?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
