just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
