i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
