Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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