Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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