Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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