So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
