I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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