so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
