If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
