fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
