Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
