she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
