I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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