I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
