i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
