he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
