Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
