It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
