I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
