I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
