I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
