mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
