Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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