porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
