last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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