I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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