Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
