did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
