Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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