Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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