it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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