Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well you can't waste a boner
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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