just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
