tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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