He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
