His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too much gin, very little bucket
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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