The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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