I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
