pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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