You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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