My room smells like vodka and shame
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize