She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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