life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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