yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
