life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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