Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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