More tranny stories later!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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