Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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