The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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