Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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