I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
