im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
