who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
