Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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