called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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