Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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