I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
